Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
