My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Is her dick bigger than yours?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
