i permit you to call me
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
