How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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