I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
