he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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