i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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