I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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