Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
