so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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