Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
