Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
