u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
