youre lurking in front of me
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
