dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
