You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
We smell like vodka and hangover
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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