All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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