Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize