I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
