did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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