I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
