GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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