You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
