if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
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