Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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