question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
it's like iHOP with fire
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
