I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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