while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
But theres a keg here and me gusta
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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