He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
