Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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