Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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