last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
