I wanna passion pit in your ass
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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