This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
