I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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