Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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