i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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