After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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