her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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