ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
