that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
