when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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