I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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