just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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