I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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