My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
