i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize