why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
