thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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