You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize