What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
