i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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