I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
You left your phone here
Wait...
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
