The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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