Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
