Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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