I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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