guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
