Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
