you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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