i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
