apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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