he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
