That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
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