dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
