I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
it's like iHOP with fire
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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