I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Can you bring me the toilet please
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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