and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
