Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Randomize
