I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
