So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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