Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
