You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
